Setting the date.

February 17th 2012

Dear Baby Love,

Your already over 15 weeks old now and about the size of a pear! You're growing so fast. Seems like yesterday I was going in for the first doctors appointment, seeing your lil heart flicker for the first time. Now here we are two months later and scheduling the appointment to find out if your gonna be Mommy's lil man or Daddu's lil princess. The first date available was March 21st.... I love that date! That's me and Daddy's anniversary from the first time we met each other. And i thought it was so neat thats the first date they said. Unfortunately after talking with Daddy and finding out he was scheduled to work that day, and your Grandma wouldn't be able to come before March 29th without spending a fortune (which she would've done just to get here to see us), we decided it was best to reschedule. Luckily, a recently found, and awesome friend of mine, Francesca Baker (whose also preggo) told me about small-wonders. This is a place that does 3D/4D ultrasounds & gender determination. We looked over the package and the price and both agreed it was the perfect fit! We scheduled the appointment for March 30th at 11am. Dad, Grandma and Meme will all get to be in the room while we watch you and find out if ya got a lil woohoo or not :P

I can't wait to see the look on all their faces when they see you in real time moving around in there. I'm more excited to just watch you again, dialing up your every move, and getting to see your grandmas, than to find out your sex. Your our precious angel no matter what. If there were some way for Daddy to find out your sex, and not me, that'd be ideal. But knowing us, it's just not possible, Daddy would tease me to a point we're I'd get frustrated and have to find out. We kinda compete with each other over you, and i can't let him have that much of an upper hand on me lol. So I might as well find out when everyone else does, even though I think it'd be much more fun to not know.

You're Daddy just surprised me with this ring, Topaz and diamond ring. The 3 topaz represent me, your Dad and you!, and the diamond in the center represents the love that binds us ♥

I love it. and I love yall.

An appointment that didn't disappoint.

February 3rd 2012

Today I had an appointment in Charleston. Daddy was at work unfortunately and I had class earlier today (which is why it was scheduled in Charleston) Daddy would've been there but we literally got a one day notice about this appointment. I decided to still go because I wanted see you again and be reassured you're doing alright. I didn't realize how awesome the appointment was going to be.

I got to hear your heart beat again! And if that wasn't exciting enough, the ultrasound session was incredible! I was so excited to see that you actually looked like a baby, the last ultrasound you looked like a lil jelly bean :) I think I may have actually shouted "Yay! Baby looks like a baby now!" .. and I teared up a lil. Your just so beautiful! Amidst all my excitement I just kept wish your Dad was there and feeling bad he had to miss this. The ultrasound lady kept referring to you as a "he" or "him" until I said I didn't know your sex yet and didn't wanna find out without my husband. She may have been saying that just to call you something besides "it" but I couldn't help but read into it. She was super nice though, and let me watch you on the screen for at least 30 minutes! I can't remember a time before when I felt so joyous and giddy. I was laughing and smiling so much that the screen kept getting jumbled because you would move when I did. I watched with all the enthusiasm and astonishment in the world. You we're moving! IN ME. I couldn't believe it. You id a lil jig when I laughed, like you were just dancing and busting a move in there, then you started sucking your thumb! It was perfect, YOU are perfect. I wish I was better at writing what I feel because I just can't express how happy I felt after this appointment, how happy you've made me. I needed that.

Here you are my love:

Just like Momma ♥

The past few weeks haven't been easy. Me and Daddy are still packing and moving. A bigger space for our new addition :) As silly as it sounds, I wish there were some way for us to keep this apartment the way it is, just to show you later. We've spent our entire relationship within these walls. All 4.5 years of laughter, fights, growth, fun, and practicing making you! And now we are leaving it behind. Clearing it out for the next couple or family. While we move into a house, the house you may take your first steps in, have your first bath in. And then one day we will have to leave it as well. But that's life, military life. Bittersweet is definitely the best way to sum it up. We should be in the new house in the next couple of weeks. It's tough packing and then heading to Charleston for school four days a week. With all the morning sickness and nausea especially. This appointment made it all worth the struggle and reminded me of why I'm working so hard.

I got like fifteen pics of you from this appointment and sent them all to my Mom and she replied "ahhh! That's my granbaby! she's so beautiful!" her and Meme keep saying your gonna be a girl, I still feel like you're a boy though. I'm tempted to wait and find out after your born. But Daddy said NO lol. I think he is ready to start picking out names which will be easier when we know what you are and have a direction to go in. I can't wait to see your Daddy and show him the pics, I called him right after the appointment and after I told him how well it went he sounded bummed he missed it, but he said "I'm happy for you that you got to experience it, that's what matters." I think he knew I needed that. It was a stress reliever for sure.

Being a full time student in a city two hours away from home, while also packing an entire overfilled apartment, and being sick is hard work. But I'm handling it the best I can, for you, and for all of our futures. I don't wanna quit school, like I've said before i want you to come into a world with an educated Momma. And I also wanna make my own Momma, and Husband proud as me and you walk across that stage in June and get that degree we've worked so hard for.

I love you baby, and I always will do my very best for you - for all of us.

XOXOXOXOXOXO - Momma

13 weeks, out of first trimester!

Sha-Shoosh-Sha-Shoosh ❤

January 17th 2012

Hi baby! I just got out of class and I'm heading back to Sumter to go to my doctors appointment, your Daddy is meeting me there. We are really hoping to hear your heartbeat today and make sure everything is going smoothly. I keep hearing everyone talk about how special it will be to hear your heart beat for the first time and I get a little teary eyed every time just thinking about it. I'm so excited and anxious! And Daddy is too.

later that day...


We just heard your hearbeat! We joked that it sounded like a washing machine...
sha shoosh sha shoosh,fast as ever. 
Daddy was smiling so big, with those bright cheery eyes, I wish I could have caught him on camera. 
And I.. Well I just started bawling, and couldn't stop! It was monumental. You're OURS, I can't believe I can create you in me, it may sound strange but I just felt an overwhelming sensation of amazement, astonishment, shock, and joy all at once. My jaw was dropped as my eyes began to pour, and sweet Daddy called me over to his lap and held me to calm me, whiping my tears. It was a very special moment for both of us. And everything seems to be going fine. The doctor even said she was relieved to have a normal pregnant patient! She did recommend I stop taking the prenatal vitamin to hopefully help with the morning/day/night sickness. So we will try it out.

...In other news

We just signed a lease for a house for all of us to live in. Me and your Daddy have spent our entire relationship in our apartment, so it'll be a little sad to leave it. But I'm so excited to be upgrading to a house and making room for you, our precious angel. I'm so excited to make you a nursery :) I plan on making a lot of the decorations etc. myself. We will be using your daddy's cradle from when he was a baby.

Daddy pulled this out of the garage for you :)

I wish I had more stuff from my childhood to give you, but unfortunately most of my things were burnt in a house fire when I was a kid. We should move within the next month. I also have school events I'm helping with so it's gonna be a busy month for you and me babe. Me and your Dad keep talking about baby names and we always end up joking around and coming up with silly names like Van VanOrmer or Killer Rex or Passion Grapefruit. So far we've only found one boy name and one girl name we both like, which are Claira and Mark - Lucky for you we have more time to come up with good ones ;)

We LOVE you sweet baby! Kisses and hugsssss!!!!!!!!!

Spreading the good news.

January 3rd, 2012

Hey there cutie <3
Today I'm officially 9 weeks! and your as big as grape! I'm a lil sad your growing so fast, when we first find out about you, you were only the size of a grain of rice.
Me and Daddy just got back to South Carolina early yesterday morning (3am). We spent Christmas and New Years with my family this year. We spent the trip telling everyone that we are expecting you! They are all so excited (especially your gmas.) and the best part is, we caught it all on video! We found some pretty fun ways to tell people and I wanted to make a big video of all the people we told for you to see when your older :)
Here they are! Friends and Family:

Hopefully you'll cherish sentimental things like I do because I plan on saving and documenting just about everything that has to do with you!

Your Dad went back to work today and I still have another week off until school starts back up. These next two quarters of classes could be rather difficult but it's worth it. I want you to come into a world where your Mom has a college degree. I'll be seven months pregnant waddling across the stage. But that's actually kind of cool to me. It's a big day in my life and I'm glad you'll be there for it.

Friends keep telling me I'm having twins because I'm showing already. I read that my uterus is the size of grapefruit, so it makes sense to me that I'd be showing already because I wasn't even the size of a grapefruit in my midsection before. So of course you're gonna show. 

I thought I might be one of those pregnant women who didn't want anyone touching them, but I'm the polar opposite! I keep running up to people and saying "feel it! its rock hard! its so cool!" (you'll learn later, you're Mommy is a lil strange :)

What else what else. Oh.. Cravings etc.

Haven't had many cravings - except salads. Which is kind of strange. I feel hungry constantly which is new to me, but when I go to eat I can't. It's as though everything makes me nauseas. I take a bite then do my best to hold it down. Then I just keep on being hungry. Salads, saltine crackers, and pickles seem to be about all I can stomach. Not sure why I'm writing this but it could be interesting if you're a girl and one day you yourself are pregnant. We could compare notes :) But I really feel like you're a boy. Think me and your Daddy are both expecting a boy but we are happy either way as long as you're happy and healthy :) and we both love you so much <3

-Momma

Jelly Bean!

December 15th, 2011

6 weeks.

Today I saw you for the first time. Your little heart was flickering on the screen but we couldn't hear it yet. The ultrasound tech gave me 3 pictures and I carried them all over the hospital showing strangers and bragging "That's my lil Jelly Bean!" while grinning ear to ear. Just staring and smiling in amazement. Me and your Daddy agree you look like a tiny lil jelly bean. I think you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I didn't know I could feel this kind of love. It's a selfless love. I didn't think I'd love you soo much until I met you. OH but I do! I can already feel myself changing, realizing its not just about me and your Daddy anymore, you're our new priority. Our number one. I love you my baby. Always will.

I made these for your Grandma and Meme, they don't know about you yet. We are planning to tell them for Christmas! and we can't wait to tell them :)

Finding out

December 10th 2011 was the day we found out we were going to be parents, your Momma and Daddy.

The night before your Dad was rubbing my belly, joking that there was a baby in there, even talking to you -he had no idea. We both decided I should take a test, but that I needed to wait til the morning so it would be most accurate. So the next morning, he headed to work and after I woke up, I headed to the store..
Many times in the past, we had thought this moment was upon us, but test after test, we were always proven wrong. This time was different though, this time I just knew, before that little pink line showed up on the first test, before I even bought the tests. I just knew you were with me.
And sure enough, there it was - Positive.
My heart began to race instantly. Even though I was sure before I took the test, it was concrete then, visibly proven. There are no words to describe how I felt in those moments. I couldn't wait to tell your Daddy and Grandma. Unfortunately your Dad wouldn't be home for two days. He works 48 hour shifts. I wanted so badly to tell him in person, see the look on his face when he found out himself. We have a routine, every day he's at work he calls me to say goodnight and we talk about our days. I knew that when he called that night I would have to lie to him about the test if I wanted to wait to see his reaction in person.. Sadly though, your Momma is a bad liar, and Daddy figured out something was up nearly as soon as I answered the phone. He can read me so easily.

He kept asking "whats going on?"
and I would respond "just drop it, trust me, wait til I see you"
(i had pretty much given up keeping it from him at this point)
he was persistent.. "whats wrong? whats going on? did someone do something to you?"
i replied "no"
then he said "did i do something to you?"
and I replied "y....yo..you got me pregnant"

I started sobbing and apologizing because I ruined it and I wanted to tell him in person so badly.. and apologizing he had to find out on the phone, and he comforted me by telling me (while laughing) "its okay, its okay, calm down babe, its really okay" and then he made a joke about how horrible of a liar I am, which we both bursted out laughing about..  he effectively stopped my tears, he's always been the best at that. I could tell he was happy, but still in disbelief. I told him I had taken 3 tests by then and they were all positive, I saved the fourth because I knew he'd want to see it in person.. and I was right. They let him come home from work for a couple of hours, which made me extremely happy. As soon as he got home he gave me a big hug and kiss, then grabbed the box with the three positive tests, layed them each on the table in a row, and gave them a nice long hard look. Then he read the instructions backwards and forwards, opened the fourth test and led me to the bathroom. I swear he would've held the stick for me had I let him. I handed it back to him, and he set it down on a flat surface, just like the instructions said, and watched. As soon as the pee filled the stick, there it was again -Positive.  I could tell he was still in disbelief, he said "now I won't believe it til I hear it from the doctors" .. I was convinced long before then because I felt you. He stayed home, loving on me, until work called and made him head back. We didn't immediately start telling people because we wanted to get a Doctors opinion. So that Monday morning as soon as your Dad got home from work, we headed on base and did the blood test. One hour later we got the call back, I think that is the point were Dad finally believed it, he was just in a daze and in shock before the Doctors confirmed what I already knew.
I'll never forget the joy I felt later that day when your Dad started talking to you.
He pressed his hands and face up to my tummy and jokingly whispered to you "I love you more than Mommy does" then turned his head up, looking into my eyes and grinning. That moment meant the world to me, when he finally believed it, and knew he was gonna be a Daddy, and called me your "Mommy" for the first time. I wish I had a picture of his face right that second. I've seen him make many faces through the years, this was my favorite :)